Dearest James,: what was Monday, April 7th...?

so, we moved. again. i know. you would have told me to settle already. just like you did when i was serial dating, and you were worried about why i wasnt willing to put any roots down. i did. we did. you would have yelled at me. "you have too much shit, Zaida. what the fuck do you need all this stuff for?"

i just remembered right now at this second the little jar of lip balm that you kept with jordyn's tiny little finger print in it. you wouldnt let anybody use it and you showed it to me a thousand times and i said, youre going to waste that whole jar of good balm for a little fingerprint?

now i get it.

last night was the first night that all of our stuff was in the new apartment. even though ive been here with the babies for three weeks, it didnt feel final until the last box was brought in.

i dreamt with you, of course. dont want to forget a thing, even while our real life memories are starting to slowly fade.

we were shopping for stuff for the new place in a warehouse costco type store. you were telling me all about all the things ive missed, all the things youve seen that nobody else can. most of your stories started with, "you're not gonna believe this shit," and you were hyped. like you knew something amazing that nobody else did but we needed to see it to believe it.

but the one thing that i remembered clearly is how you kept saying over and over was that we needed to come stay a week with you starting Monday, April 7th.

"come on, Zaida, we'll have a great time and you'll get to meet the kids." you were insistent, it needed to be Monday, April 7th. i kept giving you excuses why i couldnt. the usual.

never mind that is the twins birthday week (born April 10th, 2009) i didnt remember that part in the dream so i didnt tell you.

i woke up hyperventilating and started tweeting.