I MISS YOU!
--
~Kamela
Have an inspiring Day!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Drunk irish woman made me think if you!
Hey, so I'm am walking around 205th street in the around the irish
pubs and there are lots of drunk people walking around. Then there's
this one woman, who's gotta be Irish not cuz she's drunk but she's got
the four Leaf clover earrings on and an Irish tee shirt. And I guess
se was talking to her drink friend that passed by and asked her if her
other friend was still and the bar. But he woman ignored her. And
she got mad and started cussin her out and called her, not sure if by
drunkedness or that's just the way It goes, but called her a
"saminabeech". And I laughed so hard and had tears in my eyes at the
same time. Thanks alot you, "saminabeech".
Hearts Always
~ Kamela
--
~Kamela
Have an inspiring Day!
Monday, August 30, 2010
I'm Bored
James
I’m sitting here at work bored out my damn mind seriously.
It’s not the same without you at this darn place
I’m sitting here thinking about cheese cake
Anyway I speak to you later
Love you Much
***Manta**xoxoxox
Friday, August 13, 2010
James Boo
Just sitting here thinking about you. I miss you so much James. I’ve became really cool with Nkosane, You never told me how insane he is. Now I know how ya’ll became the best of friends. My Jordyn is getting big, Man I wish you were her to see her. She’s a hot mess. I think about your family all the time. I miss them as well.
James you were the brother I never had, the best friend I never had. Just wanted to say I miss you and I will never forget you.
Love Always **Manta”
=(
Hey, these dreams are killing me.
They hurt so much and leave me empty.
I don't wanna be sad anymore, but I miss
you in my life.
I miss you're craziness and you're sweetness.
I kiss you warmth and you coldness. It's all the same.
This is hard. I don't want to hurt anymore, I don't want to fight
in my head. I do feel nutso sometimes....
Love you always Kamela
--
~Kamela
Have an inspiring Day!
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
Dreams, damn those dreams!
Will you hide in the creavices of my mind forever? I am aware that I
will never be able to forget you. I am ok with that. But it makes me
take a step back when the dreams I dream feel so real, when I am mid
sleep and wake and feel you are still here. The worst part is when I
am waking and slowly realize that you are gone. The pain, the whole in
my heart, becomes strong as I slip out of consiousness.
When will the dreams end? I can't take them when they tell me you are
real or when they make me feel that I can reach You in that state,
between my dreaming and waking. It feels so real and then when I wake,
I feel the devil laughing at me, because I fell for it. I thought it
was real. I thought you were here, on this earth. I thought the times
when I think of you would get easier. I thought the pain would feel
less like a punch in the stomach. I miss you so much. Am I still
grieving two years later. I never was good with goodbyes and you never
believed in them...<3
~love always and forever
kamela
--
~Kamela
Have an inspiring Day!
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
Wednesdays
James. James. James.
I miss you.
Don't know when this pain will relief itself.
I just tell myself that you've moved on with your life
And you'll give me a call when you get a chance.
I'll be here when your ready, just like old times.
Just keep an eye on me, k.
Love Always always
Kamela
--
~Kamela
Have an inspiring Day!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Good Morning James
I’ve been thinking about you a lot these last few days. I mean you cross my mind daily but these last few days it has been heavy. Man I wish you were here, I want to tell you so much. You will never guess what’s happened.. I know you would have laughed your heart out about this one. Just wanted to say hello and I miss you. Jordyn is getting big. Her first word was “Da Da” of course. Damn ! I was about to say “I will give you a call later”. I mean I will write to you a little later
Oh guess who me and Toni saw it BBQ’s last week? Greg Nice, I wanted to say something to him. All I was thinking that if you were here you would have bust out with a ole school song of his. I was laughing my heart out just imagining the craziness you would have done if you were with us.
Love Ya **Manta**
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
<3
it doesn't seem real
were you even really here?
are you really gone?
this space time continuum is freaking
me the hell out. how does life just gone...
i miss you in the summer. summer makes me
think of you.
i found my derek jeter baseball mitt.
lol gonna throw the ball around...
i know ive for issues...
miss you.....
--
~Kamela
Have an inspiring Day!
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
lost...
James....
I dreamt of you last night...in my dreams I was so so happy to see you,
You came back!
I gave you the biggest hug. We talked and then...
I lost you...and I couldn't find you...
it was the worst feeling....It hurt so much when I couldn't find you...
then I woke up and the feeling that I lost one of the most important
people in my life....I feel so so so lost .
At times it stuns me that you're gone....
Love,
~Kamela
Thursday, March 11, 2010
So...
So James like was is the problem? I haven’t seen you in my dream in a while. What? your bitch ass aint speaking to me. LOL.
Dear James,
I don’t know what to say. But I really miss you. I went to a bridal shower the other day and they were playing old school love songs. I was laughing to myself because I could have seen your reaction to those songs if you were here. Man.. Let me tell you, Jordyn is now 7 months she will be 8 months on the 19th. James my daughter is funny. I can’t wait until she starts talking. So many thoughts of you everyday. I can’t lie sometimes I try to block them out so I wont feel pain. To be honest, I think that’s what I have been doing all this time, Just blocking it all out.
So do you think I should get Jordyn a tee-shirt that says “My uncle James is Irish” I really going to refrain from the word “was”. I think people will get a kick out if it.
Well anyway, there’s so much I want to say at the moment, but I’m at work. So I will come back later. Love You!
**Manta**
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
what was Monday, April 7th...?
so, we moved. again. i know. you would have told me to settle already. just like you did when i was serial dating, and you were worried about why i wasnt willing to put any roots down. i did. we did. you would have yelled at me. "you have too much shit, Zaida. what the fuck do you need all this stuff for?"
i just remembered right now at this second the little jar of lip balm that you kept with jordyn's tiny little finger print in it. you wouldnt let anybody use it and you showed it to me a thousand times and i said, youre going to waste that whole jar of good balm for a little fingerprint?
now i get it.
last night was the first night that all of our stuff was in the new apartment. even though ive been here with the babies for three weeks, it didnt feel final until the last box was brought in.
i dreamt with you, of course. dont want to forget a thing, even while our real life memories are starting to slowly fade.
we were shopping for stuff for the new place in a warehouse costco type store. you were telling me all about all the things ive missed, all the things youve seen that nobody else can. most of your stories started with, "you're not gonna believe this shit," and you were hyped. like you knew something amazing that nobody else did but we needed to see it to believe it.
but the one thing that i remembered clearly is how you kept saying over and over was that we needed to come stay a week with you starting Monday, April 7th.
"come on, Zaida, we'll have a great time and you'll get to meet the kids." you were insistent, it needed to be Monday, April 7th. i kept giving you excuses why i couldnt. the usual.
never mind that is the twins birthday week (born April 10th, 2009) i didnt remember that part in the dream so i didnt tell you.
i woke up hyperventilating and started tweeting.
my head is still spinning.
i have a huge stomachache.
it's almost two years.
xoZaidaox
Wednesday, February 3, 2010
Sunday, January 31, 2010
WhiteSpace
eventually i have to deal with the fact that you are not coming back.
period.
no matter how fucking hard this is without my best friend.
i look at the kids and cant help but think of you.
your pictures next to my calendar.
there are promises that i made to you, and im trying my best to keep them.
http://manhattanspeak.wordpress.com/2010/01/31/whitespace/
xoZaidaox
Saturday, January 30, 2010
miss you....love you.....
My dearest James,
I miss you so much.
I miss your presence, your humanity in my life.
I miss telling you my good news and you
saying how much I deserve happiness and
goodness and me thinking I never did.
I've been good at only thinking of the good times with
you and not about you being here.
My weakest moments bring me here.
I haven't been here in a while because
I was focused on not being sad that you are gone.
But my heart still hurts, the way it always did.
You were one of the best people in my life!!!!!
And still hold that place. I now know why I haven't allowed
myself to cry in a long time, bc when the tears come they dont
stop. My dearest James. I miss you. My heart aches.
But because you taught me how to be strong, that is what
and who I'll be strong! the way you were...
Love always, always, always, always
~Kamela
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