Memorial Day...

James,

I know I sound repetitive.
But you were are still so very important to me.
It hurts so badly that you are not here.
I don't know what to do with my thoughts,
feelings and emotions sometimes.
Yesterday I went bike riding.
I know that you and my sister used to go.
And that would have been a nice and safe
thing for us to do together.
I thought of you all day as I was trying not to
get caught between a bus and a car the way you did
last year.  And I laughed at how mad you were when
your bike was stolen right out side of the Law Dept.
the first day after you bought it.
A butterfly floated around my head yesterday.
I knew it was you. It was pretty.  Yellow and black.  It was busy.
It moved like you do or rather like you did.  Busy never constant.
I miss you.
I still feel this can't be true and you've moved away like the two times you said you
were gonna.  I was sad then and for a quick moment felt lost.
Never thought that moment would be come, nevertheless be
a staple emotion in my life, in a life that should be certain
at this point. 
I know now that nothing is certain, even with my dad's passing,
I thought it as a process of life.  But you not in a million years.
I would ask God to return if I knew it was possible because we all
miss you dearly.  I miss you dearly.  And I will continue to write and
sound redundant because I know I can come here and have a place
to put these lost feelings to rest with you. I know that the feelings are
redundant but I feel them strongly like I feel others and I have no one
who would really know I how I feel.  So I hope you don't mind me thinking
them and talking to you and saying the same things over and over....
I miss you.  You infinitely are important to me with every step I take.
I think of you fondly.  Often. I smile and miss you.
I miss your antics and conspiracy plans...lol
Sweet James...

~Kamela