Dreaming of you

I dreamt about you this last weekend, I would dream about you all the time but for some reason this one was different

I can't explain it but I just know it was different. Normally, when I would dream about you it would be very hazy and foggy and I can't remember much I would wake up sad and just cry. However, this time everything was clear, every detail to what you were wearing and every gesture you made this time I remembered what you said to me.

You had on the brown corduroy pants you always wear with your strip sweater. I know its crazy right.

The few times dreamt about you, you normally wouldn't say anything to me you would just look at me, or when you did I wouldn't remember what it is that you had said to me.  Although, you didn't say much in this dream, you said enough and I understood.

In this dream everyone was at work standing by your desk, and as usual I'm was the last one to know what was is going on lol. In the dream it felt as though you were waiting for me to come, when I walk toward you, I kept saying to myself  out loud in the dream, this is a dream, this is a dream. Then you said to me come here and I said no I started backing away, then you said come here again which I did, and you hugged me which felt so, so real, and then you whispered my ear something that made me laugh, to which I said get out of here. After you hugged me you slowly back away and I mouthed to Toni, I'm happy you are alive but I mad at you for doing that to us. Even you little brother Jack was in on it. You went to go hugged Sammy but she wouldn't let you her back was toward you but you hugged her anyway, she was mad at you not sure why.  I said to everyone oh my god who is going to tell Zaida you are alive the wedding is at the end of the week, I know that is some crazy dream right.  You stood there for a  little while look at everyone then look at me and I look up at you and just like in the movies there was a twinkle star in your eyes, and then you started walking away, everyone was so busy talking because they were so happy they didn't notice you were leaving, you went around the corner and I woke up. Normally I would wake up sad, but this time I actually woke smiling because I remembered what you whispered to me. For the first time in three months since you've been gone and dreaming about you I didn't wake up crying or sad,  I did cry a little because I still miss you but it wasn't tears of sadness it because I knew I had to let you go and I didn't want too. And also I knew you are taking care of all of us one person at a time like you always did when you were here. I woke up feeling so at peace, and I knew right then that in order for me to get use to you not being in my life I had to let you go.

 

I love you James aka big head

love always

Erin