hi buddy,

youve been hanging out in my dreams most every night the last two weeks - some were good, some were scary, one i was yelling at  you to "just take care of it!" and you said something stern and slammed the phone down then the doctor gave us some insane news the next morning.  last night was the strangest of them all - i dreamt that you were dead in your casket which i kept in my living room.  and that your family came to see me and i put pillows on it so they would have somewhere to sit (!!!)  and your mom was helping me clean like you used to every time you came over.  she was sweeping and mopping and doing dishes, and jack accidentally hit the casket and it fell and i tried to raise your body and your head almost fell off.  except you werent a real body it was like a wax figure of you in the casket but this time you didnt look like you were 50 like you did at your funeral - you were young, and had pink rosy cheeks and red lips.  you were gorgeous, like always, as usual.

ive been hella nervous and have been talking to you daily and you have been with me almost every night so thank you.

you even inspired me to start blogging again, for real this time, like back in the day, when you refused to read my stories because like you used to say

i live this shit - i dont need another fucking recap!

i love you james,

xxzaidaxx