It's too late...is all you said...

Consumed by you I am.
Not by placing mind in thoughts, but
incidental. Coincidental  Transindental...By every other random thought.
Through my dreams.
The one that woke me 8:59  a.m.
I awoke with a pain searing through my
chest, through my lungs, to my heart-cutting it-
slashing it-then working it's way back out.
It's a paralyzing familiar pain.
it  crushes my chest with the weight of
a human foot crushing an ant-yet the ant manages to
wriggle it's way into the creases of that foot-to save face-
just to head right back out there.

In my dream...
you came to where I work.
I saw you and had to speak to you.
I know the future and what damaging
effects it had and I had to save myself-
I watched you walk out and followed you.
I called at you and, you turned and walked back to me.
You stood in front of me.  Towering your six foot two inch
body over mine.  Blocking the sun from my face when you
sifted weight from one foot to the other, as you sometimes did.
Your arms, followed your hands as they placed themselves at your
hips.  Though you looked past me, I still felt you and smelled vanilla.
I stutterd as I spoke, not because I was nervous, but because, I knew
these were my only words to you.  I knew what was to come.
"I wanted...I ...I need you ....to know....to  know....that.....I....I...
that I love you...."  How self-fish was I???? It sickens me....
That I needed to tell you that, why???? was it because I didn't want to
feel the way I do right now??? I didn't want the grief to follow me home???
I didn't want the sadness to circle it grips around my neck at night???
Augh!! I am so disgusted right now....
But you followed with: " it's too late"  As you looked past me....I awoke at 8:59 a.m.


~Devastatedly Kamela