................

Hey there....

It's a quiet day in my head today.
Everything else is buzzing, but I feel quiet today.
You have always given me so much to be thankful for,
good or bad, I was thankful for it.
I'll think of you much and smile to myself.
I remember thanksgiving at Maureen's house,
talk about crazy!! Between You, the kids and the older
folks it was crazy and I remember sitting back just watching,
and thinking this is what it's all about!!!
A big family where the men fight about football, the kids run around
screaming, the Moms talk about who made what and who's taste
better, and the grandma's walk around saying "ehh, whadaya say???"
I am thankful you allowed me to be part of that.

Things are destined to change.
Lives must change.
We have no choice but accept it and move on.
But I won't. I can't. at least not right now.
It's not ok that you're not here.
It's not comfortable, your absence.
And I won't be fine with you gone.
So I just need everyone else to be ok with
me not being ok right now. 
I don't want to explain to death why my head is hung so low.
I don't want to tell you why my eyes are puffy and red, and
besides I have no strength and you will never understand,
although you say you so, you don't and won't.
Just don't ask...

Instead I'll talk to the one person who knows how I feel.
I came across a letter you wrote to me.
I must have gone through my box 50 times already.
And I never before found this particular letter.
You wrote it to me when my Dad passed.
You said you understood how I felt to lose someone
and you said it was ok to cry.  That it was expected.
You said that you know how it feels to want to have
that person here to have them witness your life.
But that in time I would have to continue on, and
to know that you love me.    So I will gladly take
what you gave me and be thankful just to have known you
much less love you......FAAD

~~Kamela~~