My letter of Solace...

My dearest James.
I have found my conviction tonight.
I have discovered the root of the death of part of me.
It has been you.
It has always been you.
Since that day I felt that I have lost my mind.
I lost a part of me.
And I did.
I lost you.
You have embodied to me so much more than who you were.
You stood for so many, many things.
I need to forgive me.
I forgave you.
Now it's my turn.
I need to say that
I am sorry
I am sorry that I let you down,
But that name you gave me, was too much to bear.
I am just a girl.
And I feel that you know it's not my fault.
It's not anyone's fault.
It just is.
It doesn't change anything in my mind and heart for you.
I see now.
I can close my eyes tonight for the first time in five months and 
sleep.
And I feel you right now.
I feel a weight has been lifted. One that has stifled me.
Suffocated me.

Now that I have come to terms with the act of forgiving of myself,
I will work on doing so.
I anticipate it being harder than forgiving someone else.
But I know you, you were sweet and kind.
And if given the chance, you would not want anyone person to bear any pain or sorrow of life's chances that are out of our hands.
I understand that now.
I feel at ease. I am still.

Thanks for talking some sense into me...My Forever Angel
I love you always.

~Kamela