Crazy...

Reading Zaida blog post my mind ran wild and my memories...
memoires of you chased me down......
21!
Before I meet you my favorite number was and still is 21!
It started with Kevin Elster.
Yup. I was a Met fan at the age of 10 and fell in loooove with
Kevin Elster... lol
Then I met you and your obsession was 21.  Roger Clements. 21.
And you were convinced that  I liked it because of you.  You were so
full of yourself.

Then came the obsession. Your mind was drawn to the clock at every
21.
Look Kamela, 21. It's 4:21
5:21
6:21
7:21
8:21
9:21
I thought you were crazy then
and I think you were crazy the last time I spoke to you.

This is hard.
I come here hoping to be close to you. 
I feel sick right now.
I guess now I'll be the one getting those sick feelings in my stomach.
This is crazy.
How can you miss all of this??
Why couldn't you stay a little longer??
James, we need you here.
I need you here.
You were, are such a big part of my life.
I  wanted you to see me through it all.
I need you to keep me calm and tell me when I'm being
a bitch, although you'd never call me one to my face.
I miss you being on the other side of the phone.
Eleven years ago, you meet a bunch of us. 
How are we to face the next eleven years without you, James??
I can't. I can't do this...

Love,
~Kamela