As if...

It's amazing how I'm suppose to continue on with my life as if I never knew you.

As if you never existed. As if you never died.

You of all people, are not here. God, I cannot comprehend this.

Is this the age where my grief begins, before I even start living??

People don't understand how consuming you were,

How you did your best to get under our (my) skin, where you stay, as

permenant as an ink tattoo.

How foolish we were to believe we'd be here forever.

We shared our secrets with you.

We told you our dreams, our fears, our desires...

and you took them with you.

And what are we left with????

**a brokenheart.**

How easliy those are to hand out.

We lined up willingly.

One by one.

We shared our space with you.

We believed your stories and listened to your jokes.

Took your shouting, your screaming, and even your angry words.

(with no ill intentions)

And we kept returning.

I guess we all wanted to see how this would turn out. (sigh)

My hopes were you'd live to 94.

I hoped for the stories you'd tell,

where I knew what really happened and

would correct you.

I hoped for the day to see our children being

best buds, falling in love, falling apart as we catch them.

And now we (I) are the ones falling apart.

Trying to pick up pieces that are long blown away.

Am I suppose to not feel.

To not feel the void inside of me.

Best friends we were not, I cannot

claim that title. Friends, we were more.

What falls between family and best friends?

That's what we were. I hate the "past tense",

The "present imperfect" is just as bad.

So I guess I am suppose to continue on....
--
~Kamela :)