inspiration from the blogfather

ive been avoiding you, and this whole being dead thing, and dealing - or rather, living in state of denial so strong, so consuming - that i just rather pretend it didnt really happen to get through it all, if that makes sense... im pretending that you are mad at me. that you refuse to take my phone calls or answer my emails, and that i would just wait out this wave the way i waited out all the others. meanwhile, ive been working two jobs, seven days a week, 12 hour days, so that i would fall into this coma to get me through the night. but still, 3am. same old shit.

then i read this, which made me feel guilty for ignoring you.

so, hi. there. fine. i wrote it. and i promise to take a lunch break tomorrow and finally listen to my 16 voicemails and then call your mom back since i saw her number in my call log before i went to bed the other night.

the good news is, i guess, is that ive been promoted at the restaurant, sorta. long story. but im the general manager for now.

you would have been proud...

i hope.

i remember how excited you were about the restaurant upstate, and i think i work harder to prove to you that i could do it - for me, for you, for your memory. and you're right: it's incredibly fun. most fun ever. not sure why i didnt do this sooner.

xx zaida xx