Keep us....

No one understands death,

until it happens to someone they love.

I still can't get over my father's death

and it's been eight years.

I called James that morning, after

the ambulance rushed my dad to the ER.

I don't know how quickly he got from

Manhattan to the Bronx, but he was here.

He was there when they told me my father

didn't make it. I felt my knees buckle underneath

me, James caught me. I cried and I cried and I cried.

My sister was the one who told me.

I was leaving work and she called me.

I thought she had one of her crazy

chocolate cravings and wanted me

to bring something home for her.

She sounded like something was wrong.

I asked her and she told me to go back to

work before she told me anything....so I

walked back to work in a panic,

I went down the list of people who it

could be. Then I stopped at his.

I heard her voice get shakey.

I felt my body lose feeling.

I asked her "is James ok?"

"Can I speak to him?"

She didn't answer me.

I asked her again,

"KIM, CAN I SEE HIM?"

She said no.

My body gave up from under me.

It couldn't support me and I feel to my knees....

I haven't gotten up since.

***

It's been difficult to face this reality.

I'm glad I have somewhere to go to

discuss indirectly how I feel, to share the times

we spent together, to feel what other's feel.

***

James,

We miss you ever so dearly. Keep us safe.

Watch over us.

Forever 'n a Day

~Kamela