back home from crazyville

you would have said i needed to be committed if i told you that i kept hearing a dead person talking to me in my right ear. and you might have been right, i wont lie. ive been living in crazyville for a minute now, and that shit will make you bananas, not kidding.

it's been a few nights since i last heard you telling me what the fuck to do and say, and im starting to feel like myself again.

this worries me.

see, i sorta liked hearing your voice in my head, james. it made me feel like you were still close. except when i would hear you in the strangest places, like when im sitting on the toilet, and you told me

do you believe this shit, Zaida?

no bebe, i dont. none of us do. trust us, if you see us and hear us and feel us then you KNOW that none of us believes this shit.

you know, you would go away a lot. you hated to be alone for the most part, and you did everything in your power to not be alone - unless you were moody or cranky and that was a different story. and when i told you sometimes being alone when your not cranky is good, it helps you regroup and think and figure shit out, you told me

i dont need to figure nothing out.

and so, for years you spent most of your alone time traveling to visit him and her and us, backpack on the shoulder, with us prepared for a night of nuttiness - with you in the house things were never boring.

and you were right: being alone sucks balls.

im sorry you died alone.

you would have been so upset about that.

but you have to remember, that for the last year you've had veronica, and as your soulmate she is with you in spirit, just like you are with her now.

and you won't ever be alone again.

xx zaida xx