life is too quiet without him.
im paranoid about everything. i keep thinking other people can die too at any given moment when we least suspect it. irrational fears - i guess my way of dealing with the death for the first time, you know, death and dying wasnt real for me until now - and now im overly protective and overly cautious and tip toeing and not jaywalking and triple checking and i cant live like this. daniel has a heart condition for a long time now, and he almost had an attack the other night. he said he could feel it coming on. then chills went up my spine because james used to say he could feel it coming on and i ignored him. i didnt take it seriously.
im taking everything very seriously now.
mark says im not honoring his memory by postponing the wedding.
jenny says we must enjoy life as James would have wanted.
i say: how exactly do we do that?
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
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