wed dings

We were both supposed to be plannings our wedding and such. You called me when you bought the ring then again two days before you popped the question. You weren't nervous. You weren't anxious. You weren't anything I thought you would be. You were calm yet excited. You were a proud peacock showing your ring off. I must have txt you 10 times that saturday

"did she say yes???"

Praying she did. The right one the right time the right place. Both of us planning our weddings. Both of us starting new chapters in that book you always threatened you were writing.

I'm going to give you your own chapter, zaida.
What? You're going to tell all my secrets?
Nah, I already did that.
Asshole! I'd yell.

New chapters with life partners that compliment us both so well. You guys started buying and doing before us and I got nervous, they are moving fast! We need to catch up!

I called him one day which was rare because he usually beat me to the call. he hardly ever said hi like a regular person with me. Did he do that with you too? It was usually some silly nickname, or "I was just thinking about you!" This time he picked up and said

"See, I told you you needed a best friend."

The thing was we bickered nonstop. And our arguments would last for months. But as soon as one of us relented, it was like time stood still and we just talked yesterday. when I was pissed I'd say I wanted to breakup! I wanted a separation! I'm filing my BFF divorce papers!!

And he'd say "You can't get rid of me zaida. You're stuck with me. You have no choice."

So yea he was right, I did need my best friend even though all those years I refused to swallow my pride. There's a quote that I love

"I'd rather lose my pride to love than lose my love to pride."

Fuck
Fuck
Fuck

I'm supposed to get married now to my beloved daniel, and I just don't know how I'm going to do that without james. I don't know that I can. I don't know that I want to.

xx zaida xx
-sent from blackberry