I'm lost.......

James...

I am so sad that you're not here anymore, that I can't stand it.
The mornings are the worst. I wake up feeling hollow.
I wake up with a deep saddness. Every morning has been filled
with tears. I can't....The smile you knew and loved isn't the same
anymore. I haven't smiled since .....well...you know.......
nothing is the same anymore.....How can someone's absence
change my world....my mind....my thoughts....the way yours has...
I picked up the phone to call you about five times already. Once to
ask you about this young new pitcher, who throws the ball like
you've never seen before, and the other time, I just wanted to chat and
to annoy the hell out of you.... :) This feeling it won't leave me...I need to
move on....I need to heal.....this life just isn't fair.......

Yesterday I needed to get out of the house so I went for a run. I was so
restless. So I ran to clear mind head, to clear you from my mind
for at least 30 minute, to stop thinking about how you're not here,
about how this saddness I feel consumes me.......and I had to rest.
I came to rest beside a tree. I looked up with tears in my eyes, because
the faster I ran the more you filled my head, I saw a butterfly. It was
still. It did not move. The wings moved ever so slightly. I think it too was tired...
I felt a calmness. I felt you near. It was weird.
My mind then went to the countless butterfly presents you bought me......
I .....I .....have to go.................................................................................
...................~Love Kamela